A Winter Solstice Sandwich

In my mind, I had romantic visual plans for today. I would walk to the park as the first light of Winter Solstice filtered through the trees. The wreath of pussytoes I had created this spring summer would be displayed on the sparse covering of sparkling snow. From there, an airy breeze would lift the seed puffs and disperse them to become future native seedlings living again within their natural habitat. And I would photograph the experience artfully.

Instead, I have just awoken from a noon day nap. The weather app is still clocking in at a sunny and more reasonable -16ÂșC. The flu/cold I contracted shortly after last week’s dramatic morning-recess-supervision-during-a-snow-squall, is starting to subside, and the only artful thing I have created today is to make myself a sandwich. The bread was stunning both visually and gastronomically; however, you will have to take my word for it. To photograph it now would be suspect: just a plate of crumbs and one small triangle of spinach (by now even that has disappeared).

I am grateful to have this day stretch out slowly, even in its natural light shortness. My memory is stumbling and it is comforting to have a record of terrestrial activities to ground me in the idea that somewhere in my mind, there is a crumb of creativity ready to spring forth and visually express itself again.

And the wreath? Maybe it will show up here again sometime. But not today. There is too much snow right now to think that seeds would make contact with the ground anyway – perhaps future food for a critter instead?

(I see that now I have the option to improve this post with AI. I did not. The only literary crutch I used was a dictionary and thesaurus.)

Indifference

indifference noun

Synonyms: apathy, casualness, complacence, disregard, incuriousness, torpor

  1. : the quality, state, or fact of being indifferent
  2. a : absence of compulsion to or toward one thing or another

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

From an early age, I’ve been conditioned not to waste time. So when I found myself wide awake this morning at 3:40am, I got up, made some tea and headed to one of my support spindles. Using a diy system, I unwound the spindle to create a chain-plying ball, then spun up a small buttery white skein of Vancouver Island Babydoll Southdown. It’s currently soaking in the sink and the tightness of the spin is blooming into something softer, more relaxed.

After years of spinning, I should know what I’m doing. However; I don’t really. There are so many excuses I could give you to let you know why I am still a sub-par spinner and you may think it doesn’t even matter. It’s just spinning! (Or you may argue: Your spinning is great! What are you talking about?! Or: Yes, finally you get it, so just stop!)

For today, I suggest that this casual imperfect and inconsequential (but still beloved!) hobby of mine stands in for something I’m trying to more broadly put my finger on. A constant tightness I feel that might not be shared by others. This morning after spinning, I lay on the floor for awhile – staring at the ceiling and then at the third eye of my iPhone and came across a quote I had recorded in Notes back on July 25, 2022 during Pope Francis’ visit to Maskwacis, Alberta. He had arrived to apologize to Indigenous peoples of Canada for the Catholic church’s role in residential schools. I went back and found the clip (at approx. 8 min. 40 sec.) on our digital bible, Youtube, and realized the note I had made was a paraphrase from the translator, as Pope Francis was speaking in Spanish. Below, the paraphrase:

Forgetfulness leads to indifference.

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

The opposite of life is not death, it is indifference.

Indifference. This is making me feel the tightness. The seeming casualness of everything these days. Perhaps, due to the inability to take it all in and perhaps due to the perennial tiredness of the train-wreck-current-state-of-our-world. It’s easier to just give in, give up, exist on the surface. Placing attention anywhere but in front of the living beings right here. Placing attention on consumption not creation. For me, it becomes paralyzing.

How do I remember to ask better questions of myself and of others to help foster relationships based on love, not disregard? How do I remember to take care of myself so I can live a creative life filled with love not complacence?

As this year comes to a near close, I wish for myself and for you to foster curiosity, remember authentic and deep gratitude, advocate for a creative life, practice the complex work of sincere compassion.

Quietly creating, without images

This morning I was watering the back garden. Ferns fried from the recent heat wave, hostas mangled from the wet summer slugs. And amongst all the disappointment, a few small fronds of oak fern grew perfectly amongst the foliar wreckage. And I took a photo and I liked how the morning sun hit parts of the structure.

Then I thought: I haven’t written a blog post in a while, so I better take some more photos.

I “snapped” (do we really snap a phone photo anymore?) a few of the ‘Thomas Edison’ dahlia which has been surprisingly stunning from the shrivelled $9.99 Walmart tuber I purchased this spring. Then on to ‘Chuck’s’ Calendula which self seeds here and there each year and always looks like a jewel when it’s hit with morning water and is just beginning to open. Lastly, I tried to compose a decent photo of the unruly fluff of the Liatris ligulistylus, intermingling with dill that had gone to seed and the blurry hit of marigold orange in the background.

Inside, I thought I better also document my weekend spindle spins. I had planned to work on both my Fox Mountain support spindle and Woodland Handcrafts support spindle; however, the latter took all my (lack of) attention. I continue to be a slow spinner. But spinner nonetheless.

After this, I set out to edit the photos and the digital cropping, dodging, burning began. A sharpen here, and sharpen there. More cropping… and then I gave up. Why try to elevate the mundane?

So, I’m leaving this here and gifting your eyes a rest.